If you want all my personal data, follow these 4 rules

Big Data is after you. Or rather, your information.

Technology may be reducing the need for human workers and depersonalizing our whole society, but it has also created voracious demand for everybody’s personal information. The entire Internet has morphed from a colorful bazaar where users could get information on almost anything to a seedier place in which Orwellian supercomputers lurking behind the scenes analyze every mouse click and finger swipe to figure out what we’re doing, where we’re going and what our most secret desires are.

I’ve finally decided – so what. You want to know everything about me? So you can sell me kumquats or lederhosen before I even know I want them? Fine. Just follow these four rules, which I explain in detail in the video above:

1. Stop trying to sell me stuff I just bought.

2. Help solve my real problems, not the trivial ones I tweet about.

3. Raid my email, because I will never learn to be discreet in email.

4. Pretend I’m fascinating.

If that doesn’t work, then go ahead, invest heavily in artificial-intelligence bots that will mimic my purchasing behavior in advance and develop double-secret convex algorithms meant to outsmart my privacy filters. Because every bit of information about me is priceless.

Rick Newman’s latest book is Rebounders: How Winners Pivot From Setback To Success. Follow him on Twitter: @rickjnewman.

More of Rick's Rants:

The worst Christmas gifts of 2013

New Thanksgiving Tradition: Never Stop Shopping

How Complainers Wreck the Economy